About Me...Inspired by Greatmartin

I read an article on greatmartin's blog that gave several ideas of what to blog about when we felt we had nothing to blog about. Oddly enough, one of his ideas (all of them are great ideas) was something that I had been thinking of doing. He said, "Another thing we forget is that new people are reading about us all the time--you may have told us about your background, your life, your struggles, your joys, etc., but they don't know, haven't heard it before, so repeating a blog from the past is a good thing."

My user name is hopefields, but I prefer to be addressed by my real name, which is Kelli. I use hopefields as my user name because I am a writer and that is my pen name. Now I will tell you a little about myself.

I was raised in Juneau, Alaska and I will never forget my old stomping grounds. I love nature. I think the reason I love it so much is because we spent so much time outdoors as children. We saw bears all the time during the summer. I will tell you about an experience with a bear another time. I grew up playing basketball and was quite good at it, even though I am so short...I was very fast on my feet. I played outside regardless of the weather. I can remember playing in the snow, rain, sleet etc. I still love the game but am not nearly as good as I used to be.

My family moved to Hawaii when I was a senior in high school. That was a great culture shock! I have been in Hawaii since then. I have gone back to Juneau for a short time, lived in Oregon for about a year, and was in Oklahoma for about a few weeks. Other than that, I have lived in Hawaii. I have learned a lot about Hawaii since then. I have also learned alot about the Hawaiian culture through one of my aunties that is pure Hawaiian. I love their culture.

I got married in 1990 to a man I thought was a strong Christian. Within a week and a half into the marriage, the abuse started. For the next eleven years I endured several forms of abuse. I finally left him on Oct. 22, 2000, after he hurt our son at the park. I have dealt with abuse from him on several occasions since leaving. He still plays a lot of head games with me and the kids. However, I have come to the conclusion that he is who he is. He most likely will not change so I have to work hard at not letting him push my buttons. Because of the stress level in my marriage, from the abuse, I now have an auto immune disorder. I have to watch my stress level, even today, so it doesn't worsen the disorder.

Since 2000, I began reaching out for help in my community and had the help of several agencies that got me through so much. I attended support groups for battered and abused women. My children also attended support groups for them. Yes, they were also abused. My son endured most of the abuse from their father and at times still does. My ex favors our daughter. Both kids have verbalized that they realize this as well. I feel bad for our daughter because when my ex does something for our daughter and not for our son, our son vocalizes it and our daughter feels badly. I constantly remind her that his behavior has nothing to do with the children. As I said, he is who he is.

When we were in an abuse shelter in early 2003, I began writing. I wrote and published my first book. It's a book of poetry and has nineteen poems in it. Each poem is about a different aspect of being abused and ends with positive notes of getting help and moving forward. It's written directly for survivors of domestic violence. The poems speak of the pain, as well as the journey towards healing.

I then wrote my second book, which is a book of fiction, based on my true story. At one point in this book, fantasy is introduced. I decided to write it that way because I wanted for people to be able to feel what victims and survivors feel on a daily basis. Therefore, I start speaking about the storms 'outside.' There are magical creatures that are introduced in this book. Again, the whole reason for my doing this is because there are many self-help books based on abuse. However, there are not many books that are written in such a way that the reader feels every emotion that the victim or survivor feels. That was my goal. Many people have questions about what it is like for a victim or survivor. My goal is to put it into print.

My third book is the sequel to my second and is, for the most part, written as a fantasy and magical genre. It talks about the journey for a victim or survivor of domestic violence. Many people have asked me when my fourth book is coming out. I have put off writing for a year. I just needed a break. When I write, my heart and soul goes into it because it is about a very painful time in my life. However, it is also about a very enlightening and empowering time in my life.

Now, I am seeking work as an educational assistant, since I got my AA degree. I have two teenagers. My daughter is 15 and my son will be 17 in a couple of weeks. I am proud of both of my children. They have both been through so much and have overcome great obstacles. I do mean great. They both understand the pain of abuse. They have both endured a great deal of suffering. Yet, they are growing so much. I am so proud of them for their persistence and their willingness to grow and move forward. They inspire me. I love them more than I could ever explain in words. There just aren't words adequate enough to describe my love for them.

I now try to live my life in a positive fashion. I try to read positive quotes often. I try to find jewels in every storm in life. I do write about the topic of abuse; however, I also write about finding the jewels in life. I will never forget what I endured. However, I try to help others in the same situation. I believe that the cycle of abuse can be broken. I believe in a different kind of cycle, which is survivors helping victims. This is a cycle worth repeating. Life is worth living.

Thanks greatmartin for a wonderful idea!