There is a form of abuse that is known as crazy making. This behavior is marked by the abuser behaving in such a way that causes their victim to feel as though they are literally going crazy. Two examples of crazy making are:
The abuser says something very distinctly to their victim. Later, as the victim brings it up to their abuser, the victim is told that they are crazy and the abuser never said such a thing.
The abuser takes something that belongs to the victim and hides it. When the victim begins searching for it, remembering exactly where they last laid it down, the abuser tells them they haven't seen it. Not only do they tell them that they haven't seen it, they also tell them that they (the victim) never put it there in the first place.
These are only two examples, but I'm sure you catch my point here. Having said all of this, I want to share something.
In early February of 2003, I ended up taking the children and going to an abuse shelter. We had already been divorced two years by this time. My abuser had been seen frequently around our building. A man that we both knew, from our old church, called me on my house phone one late afternoon and asked specifically what side of the apartment complex we lived on. He said he 'needed to know.' He also told me to 'let it go' and that Jesus expected me to forgive my abuser and again, 'let it go.' He said I shouldn't make such a big deal of it all, because it wasn't that bad. I thought it was strange, but didn't think anything further after that.
However, we soon began to see him parked in his blue station wagon, outside of our apt. complex, on a daily basis. He regularly spent the night in his car, in a nearby church parking lot. Each morning, as we left for school, he would wave at us. Each afternoon, as we came home, he would wave to us. It became a daily occurance. The chilling part came when someone began tampering with the deadbolt on our apt. door. I called security in the building once and they brushed it off as our door closing too hard. So, from that day on we were careful to close our door softly. However, once again, someone began tampering with the deadbolt, until one afternoon I came home from classes and the outer frame of our deadbolt was very loose and hanging visibally. At that point, I knew we needed to get to a safe place. That was why we went to the abuse shelter in 2003. We stayed there for three months, which gave us ample time to find a new apartment.
Currently, we have a metal screen door outside of our front door. About one month ago, for the third time, someone began tampering with the steel screen on our screen door. It was very obvious that someone wanted to get in past the screen, so that they could manually unlock the deadbolt on the door. I called the police department, they came and took pictures of the screen door and classified it as an attempted burglary. When they asked me if I suspected anyone, I told them of my abusers past behavior.
Sadly, tonight after walking our dog outside, my daughter and I noticed that once again someone is attempting to break through the screen door. The only difference is that this time they are messing with the steel in the screen door on the very bottom of the door. While it definitely raises red flags of concern and caution for me, I refuse to allow him to continue his crazy making with me. I have since purchased and installed a keyed deadbolt on the screen door. Even if someone were to remove the screen portion, they couldn't unlock the door. However, tomorrow I will purchase new locks for the front door just in case -- for safety.
Nothing surprises me anymore.
11 comments on Crazy Making
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I am about to get divorced after almost 22 yrs marriage. He has always pulled crazy making behavior with me but it's getting worse. He is NOT violent... just does stuff to drive me nutz and then tells me I am crazy like my mother.[MAD] Anyone have helpful suggestions?
Also, please keep a log of EVERY time you see him and EVERY time your door or anything is tampered with. Consider taking out a civil protective order against him. And report every single thing you see.
Look up stalking laws in your state. Contact your local shelter and ask what they recommend. Don't let him scare you into trying to fix it all yourself.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I pray he is stopped before he does anything to hurt you.
I lived with a man for about 10 years, in my own house. He didn't work while I had 2 jobs and payed all bills. For several years we got along pretty well, except anything pertaining to finances. I gradually started noticing that some of my antique furniture would have a scratch on it where that had not been one before. I do a little artwork and would notice a color paint different or scratched or a piece of clothing having spots on it where there hadn't been. I would see what looked like writing on the floor, or a piece of wood or on the wall that had been cleaned off but one could still see it. I started asking him what these things were and he always said he couldn't see it. I got a digital camera and started taking pictures and showing them to my friends. They could see things. He marked up old family photos, would take that backs off pictures hanging on the wall, chip off chunks of cement in back, would write on my river rock in the back and front yards. I mentioned to him that I was going to have the police come and look and next day, he was outside cleaning the river rock and the railroad ties. He would tell me I was imagining things, or sleepwalking and doing it myself. I thought I was going crazy. I finally had to put a restraining order on him and sell my house and lost my job of 25 years. It was horrible. He still denies everything.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Crazy making is indeed a form of abuse. The effects of it also go deep, since it plays with the mind and the emotions big time.